Being Objective. Becoming Strong.

I went to the gym today. It’s the first time I’ve worked out there in a while. I’ve been to yoga a couple of times, but now, I am set on going for more – to get out of my chair – a habit I’ve begun to fall into after work because I’ve worked a lot of 12 – 14 hour days in the past 3 weeks. I’m going to make a better choice. I know that working out makes me better – more diligent, more energetic, more into life.

So, I dragged myself there. Wasn’t into it at all, but there was an inkling of excitement that I was doing it.  I was there about an hour and worked out about 50 mins. I started in a spinning class. Not into it. Thought I might get hurt for some reason. Thought to go and watch The Five instead while I rode the bike upstairs. Bored. Went to the elliptical. Saw a woman who I’ve never seen with such energy before – she had a pep in her step and every part of her body! She was so energetic I thought she might be on something, but think she must’ve just been really into her Zumba class. I may take her class another day though Zumba is not my thing. It made me smile just watching her so peppily prancing around fully in every single move, and they were not all easy moves, and they were so fast. Not sure I’ll be able to do everything, but it will jazz me up. End up treadmilling: walking and running and walking, and finally stretching and hitting a couple of machines before I left, mildly sweating, but not soaked, as I would have been if I spun!

Listening to David Jeremiah in the background, and he is talking about self-discipline and the Holy Spirit and how we need Him to have it.  For sure. In listening to him, it is exactly where I am – practicing self-discipline right now to develop new habits and restore my body to it’s strength😊

It’s been interesting to look into my life objectively. I’ve been doing that over the past three days – seeing me in my life, where I am now, and what I am not doing with it with my free time. I’m glad I am not beating myself up or bogging myself down with my reality. My reality is good, but it’s got me alone and not engaged in anything out side of work. There’s been a lot of t.v. time and food involved. It’s okay. I realize I’m transitioning. It’s time to make some decisions.

It’s interesting how when we are objective we can make better decisions. I feel that way. I’m clearer because there is less static due to me not objecting to my behavior, but merely looking at it for what it is and where I am in my process right now.

In being more objective with where I am and deciding on what to do, instead of responding to my behavior objectionably, I’m able to choose a path reasonably.

I’ve just looked out on my life, as if I am out of my body looking into to my behaviors, actions, patterns, thoughts. Whatever I am feeling and experiencing, I am doing so as a spectator only, allowing myself to go through the motions, but aware of them and their consequences. There’s simply an assessment. Do you want this life? This is what you are doing. Is it getting you anything? Do you want this? Things are good, but if I do more, I will have more, and what do I want? It will not some on it’s own. I have needed a bit of downtime for certain due to the schedule I’ve had to keep these past weeks, but there is a new awareness in my life. What will I do with my time remains to be seen in a moment by moment basis, but I am aware and that IS GOOD.

My failure to perform on a large scare has had to do with the amount of what I feel I have or need to do. Do you ever feel you have so much to do in your life you are paralyzed by it and do nothing?

I’ve felt that way for the past 10 years almost. It’s debilitating. I’m making progress little by little, but also felt I’ve made no true progress, really. Maybe it’s just following through and finishing.

So, the sitting in my chair is partly due to strenuous work schedule and partly to do with debilitating, overwhelming nature of all my ideas and goals. Ike! So, objectivity is suiting me well and getting me motivated. I have found in the past that judgment is like a nerve-agent – paralyzing me into doing nothing. It’s just me. No one holding me back but me, if I so choose. No dog, no man, no kids, rarely see friends and family, so I have a lot of time! Well, not really, but I must do more than just watch television all the time with what little time I do have because that is so wasteful most of the time!

There is more to my lack of motivation, and I’ve realized, in part, it is because if I feel there is no reason to do my goals, like they will have not benefit, then why do them? It’s an odd place, but it’s partly where I am and another topic maybe for another time.

Anyway, coming home tonight, I felt good. Not that I’d had a great workout, but because I made the decision and I followed through on it, and I knew I was interested in going back, and not to get a better body, though I am looking forward to that, but to be stronger.

I ran a little bit tonight, but was worried about my knee locking up and the fact that I haven’t in awhile so I was worried about how strong my knees are. I took it easy and ran only 10 minutes. That was what sparked my desire to work out more – to become stronger. At 48, I don’t like the fact that I feel a wee-bit feeble in my knees when I run, and had some issues this summer that led the doc to tell me no more running. So, my goal is to be strong.

There’s nothing like being strong. Knowing it is good too. Having your strength zapped or not being able to walk hardly – anything so simple that many of us do regularly and take advantage of, to be able to run freely and walk down the stairs without wobbling, is awesome. Strength feels so good. How do you feel? Do you feel strong? It’s a super feeling!

So, that is my new goal: Being Strong. I’m looking forward to this.

Here’s to good choices, following through, and being strong!

Holly

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