So this is funny. I am at Barnes and Noble’s writing. When I arrived, I went to the Starbucks counter here and was realized I only had $10 on me which would not pay for my full order of a latte, soup and a cookie. So, I chose to be healthy in my selection and got the soup.
I’ll leave my disappointment at, “I wish I would have gotten the peanut butter cup cookie.”
I was lamenting it a bit, thinking to go to my car and get some more money so I could have some good bites, but decided against that, as well. I sat here awhile and finished putting my blog together about Coffee on God when the woman next to me got up to leave, held up a receipt, and asked, “Would you like a free cookie?” I was so delighted. It minor-ly paralleled about what I’d just written.
Turns out, I have to buy a cookie to get a free extra cookie.
Well, I have just scoured this bag of mine figuring there MUST be some money in the bottom on this thing somewhere. Turns out, it had it. I have almost $10 more bucks.
I will redeem my free extra cookie! Even know I won’t really get a completely free cookie, I’ll still got a free cookie. And, its nice to report too, that these days, I have enough money to buy my own delights = food and coffee.
Have a good night. I’m off to redeem my cookie! Yum!!
God bought me coffee. I think that’s really neat! I know it was Him. God knew I wanted special coffee, my little craving and desire, and He ordered my steps to get it, he ordered another to buy it, and he allowed for a little love note to accompany it. God orchestrated every bit of it, the fellow’s steps, the long wait, the conversation. He had it all in mind – orchestrating every bit of it so He could tell me, “Hi honey. I am here with and for you, and I love you. Here’s some coffee on me. Relax Enjoy. I love you, Holly.” Jesus and God.
Most importantly, God just wants a relationship with us and often uses our life circumstances to get out attention and to show Himself real.
This story reflects much of how God has built a relationship with me over the years, and it has been through lack, but he has always shown up and made a way for me for even seeming insignificant matters and desires. He cares about every little aspect of who we are.
I went to get a coffee one night after much deliberation as to the matter. I shouldn’t have, I thought, in my mind because money was tight then, and even two bucks on a frivolous craving wasn’t justified.
I don’t recall why I didn’t just make coffee. Maybe I didn’t have any, but that would be odd. I was always with coffee, a favorite of mine. I must have just wanted a hazelnut latte or coffee, but having felt it out of the question financially, I nixed it. But the feeling would not go away, in my spirit, it was okay. I was sensing, “Go, it’s okay.” So, I finally relented. I went to Dunkin’ Donuts.
When I got there, there were two people in front of me of French descent. I waited. As I did, a fellow came in behind me, waiting too, and we began chatting, eventually, as he struck up a conversation with me.
He informed me of his having just come from a men’s retreat – a religious retreat of sorts. I listened and we chatted a long time about the retreat and the Lord, and I think he seemed to want to try and win me over for God or something, but I convinced him I already knew Him, and we shared on some level some of our respect for Him and love, the awe. Due to the unnaturally long wait in front of us we’d chatted quite a bit.
It was my turn, finally. Before I got to the counter though, he handed to me a chip, a silver chip like they give out in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), but instead of it insisting I had a certain number of years or months clean/sober, I saw that it had on it a cross, and around it, it informed me: “God loves you.” On the other side it informed me also to “Believe in your heart and confess with your mouth ‘Jesus is Lord’ and you will be saved.” Romans 10:9-10. Wow. Okay. I smiled, thinking for the first time that that is why God wanted me to go get a coffee. He wanted to tell me He loves me. I smile. I think how neat that is.
Then, I got up to the counter and I ordered my drink. When the lady asked if that would be all, the fellow behind me with whom I’d been speaking, chimed in saying, “That isn’t all. I’d also like a (so and so, whatever he ordered), and I will be paying for both of our drinks.” Well, if that wasn’t God showing up in the circumstance! He was doubling up on the blessings for me. Thank you, Lord. I love it, still.
I told the fellow he was a blessing to me. I didn’t go into the details about my shortage of money or the story behind me even getting up there with all the mental deliberations behind that, but just went on to thank him, expressing my gratitude for his kindness, informing him it meant a lot, as it did, and then I went on to my table to drink my free coffee, and to work on my work.
That incident was a way for God to relay to me, through another person, that He clearly loves me, and that He’s got my back, and my coffee!! He showed me personally that cares about the littlest of things of our lives, like a coffee craving. He apparently finds ways, too, to show us that he loves us, and is for us. God was informing me He is here in all of my circumstances, and He knows what is going on. I like that He cares in all-ways! It was a new, simple and special way for me to see God showing me how He loves me. Thanks, Lord.
God bought me coffee. I think that’s really neat! I know it was Him. God knew I wanted special coffee, my little craving and desire, and He ordered my steps to get it, he ordered another to buy it, and he allowed for a little love note to accompany it. God orchestrated every bit of it, the fellow’s steps, the long wait, the conversation. He had it all in mind – orchestrating it all so He could tell me, “Hi honey. I am here with and for you, and I love you. Here’s some coffee on me. Relax Enjoy. I love you, Holly.” Jesus and God.
Thank you. I love you.
O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. Psalm 139: 1-4
I read this psalm today and it jumped out at me as a gratitude prayer. It made me so full of thanks. I have heard about the promises in the bible, but the way I read this today, thanks is all I saw, and I rewrote it, then, to match my gratitude from the scripture, and from which also found a promise in each line of the scripture.
Psalm 34 Thanks
I read this psalm today and it jumped out at me as a gratitude prayer. It made me so full of thanks. I have heard about the promises in the bible, but the way I read this today, thanks is all I saw, and I rewrote it, then, to match my gratitude from the scripture, and from which I also found a promise in each line of the scripture.
Having checked to see for what purpose this Psalm was written, David wrote it pretending to be mad in order to escape a King. Odd, but for me, I was filled with heart-felt gratitude and promise.
May you find thanks in our every day and be filled with promise as you praise. He inhabits the words of our praises. Psalm 22:3.
Thank you for hearing me when I seek You.
Thank you for delivering me from all my fears.
Thank you that I can look to you and be radiant, and my face is not ashamed.
Thank you for hearing me in my poverty.
Thank you for saving me out of my troubles.
Thank you that Your angel encamps around me because I fear You, and am delivered.
Thank you that I have tasted and seen that You are good.
Thank you that I am blessed because I trust You. (Thank you for all the times I have needed you and you have shown yourself strong in my life. Thank you that my soul boasts in You.)
Thank you that I want for nothing because I fear you.
Thank you that I seek you and lack no good thing.
Thank you that Your eyes are on me, your righteous, and your ears are open to my cry.
Thank you that You hear me, and You deliver me out of all my troubles.
Thank you for being near to me when I have had a broken heart and saving me because of my contrite spirit.
Thank you that though I have had many afflictions, You have delivered me out of them all.
Thank you for guarding my bones and breaking none of them.
Thank you for redeeming my soul.
Thank you that because I trust in You, I will not be condemned.
I love this. Thank you, Lord, for opening my eyes to these passages in a new way, and thank you that I see You through these passages in a new way, and I am better knowing You are through this Psalm.
I will need God’s continual! help and grace certainly here.
Today I saw a saying by Anais Nin I used to have when I was in my 20’s, and I’m reminded of now.
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom! Anais Nin
Sometimes I have visions randomly – like today. My vision was of an eagle emerging head first out of the cushions of the bottom of the couch, eager to get out. His head was unruffled, and he was moving up from it quickly, talons out, pushing upwards and outwards. That was it. I saw it emerge about half way out and the vision ended.
I took it as a good sign. Looking up eagle symbolism left me with a positive note: The “Eagle conveys the powers and messages of the spirit; it is man’s connection to the divine because it flies higher than any other bird. … If eagle has appeared, it bestows freedom and courage to look ahead. The eagle is symbolic of the importance of honesty and truthful principles.”
My take-away from that was the looking ahead bit.
In my morning prayer today, I was positively making declarations, binding and loosing things from my past that have hindered me, and things to develop that will produce good fruit it me, respectively. My memory brought to mind a woman who’d given me a reading one year in my 20’s who told me I have a wheel of fortune around me, but I will never “cash” in on it. I bound that up, cast it out today, and loosed upon me diligence and God’s will in my life – for Him to complete what He has begun in me – there are so many things. I have also remembered some of my mom’s writings to me: “Stay away from the psychic – that will lead you down someone else’s path. Stay with the Holy Spirit – that is the only spirit you are equipped to handle.” Also, I was using a lot during those times, – so, maybe that is what he was reading, too. That if I stayed in that state, I never would have accomplished anything. I have had so many ideas and inspirations, and have finished so few.
That has been part of my problem. My interests, plans, ideas, etc. are so many that I have found it difficult to pursue any of them with completion. I have a lot of started projects.
Over the summer, and the reason I started this blog and called it Transparency247 was because of my intention to come out with it all. However, my first intended blog, I have kept because, ironically, too ashamed was I to put it out there because part of it had to do with admitting to God that I would never complete my will in this life, feeling like I just don’t have it in me. The good thing is that God is in charge! I do still have a part to play, and part of that is asking God for his help in and with accomplishing my goals. Laziness is what I need to get rid of, and it is found on the couch which it seems, once I sit on, is hard to get off. It’s like Velcro. And, my excuses kept me down, also. I work so hard I want to relax, etc! I’d justified my way into complacency!!
God is able to do more than we can ever imagine, according to Ephesians. 3:19 – 21
Turning my will over to God is the Key. Set your sights on Him, and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:6. Key. Easy. Keep turning over and keep trusting Him. He is in charge.
“How can a man know his steps, the Lord directs His way,” Proverb 20:24. Also, getting with the program and making my plans, God will take care of it, according to Proverbs 16:9:
How can I worry if I keep trusting God and turning over my will, seeking His will, and trusting him? He will make it all right, and I will be in perfect peace. I have to trust and pray. That’s all. Well, do good, love God and others, and everything else will take care of itself. Oh yea, I have to actually take steps to accomplish my goals, too. That’s the kicker. I will need God’s continual! help and grace certainly here. This is what’s hindered me in the past, but I have to move on beyond it.
Today I saw a saying by Anais Nin I used to have when I was in my 20’s, and I’m reminded of now.
I am reminded also of the verse in the bible that talks about discipline in Hebrews 12:10:
Our fathers disciplined us for a short time as they thought best, but God disciplines us for our good, so that we may share in His holiness.
I got this camera in response to a prayer to God to help me get a camera to capture the beauty around which I found myself. I was too poor to afford one, so He helped me out! The next day! And, it was only like $2 – $3 bucks. I had been seeking God pretty hard during this time, and this was just another reminder that he loves me, helps me, and shows me. And, it was another thing that “He added unto me.” 🙂 Love that! He’s so awesome. Thank you, Lord! (7:50)
Hi. There was a time when I had little money for anything else above what I needed to pay for my monthly bills. I had just moved into my new place. Money was tight. My rent cost was over half of what I made per month, and it made anything other than my basic necessities pretty much unaffordable.
I moved across from a park which I found to be so beautiful. I love nature. I feel like I see it. I appreciate it highly, and photographing it is something that gives me pleasure – to capture it. I like different bark of trees, and when I walk, I often see angles which catch my attention, and strike me as worthy of photographing.
My interest in, and love of, nature led me to desire to capture this beauty I was seeing. However, I didn’t have a camera. I didn’t have the money to buy a camera either.
As I walked along the park within a few days of being there, I recall specifically asking God if he would help me to get a camera. I was looking at this beautiful swirling bark like I’d never seen before, and firework-like floral blossom, and I wished I could capture it with a lens.
I asked God if He would help me to get one somehow. After all, what father would not want for his appreciative daughter to showcase His beautiful work, and in the process of it take such delight also?
I walked on. I let the prayer go up, and I continued to appreciate the new surroundings in which I got to have as mine.
Mike, my new landlord, informed me later that day that there was going to be a fund raiser in that park that next day – he thought I might want to get some new things for my place. Excellent! So, I headed over early that next morning.
Maybe they’d have a camera for me! He did not know of my desire for a camera, and I honestly did not have any intention of even finding a camera there, but I could acquire some new things pretty inexpensively for my new cottage.
There were a lot of people there. I’m not a yard-saler typically. I walked around seeing what interested me. I found a couple of items of interest for the kitchen. Then, I happened upon the one and only of its kind in the place… a new camera! It looked to be very nice too. It only required batteries which did seem a little odd to me, but I didn’t know a lot about photography or cameras other than I liked to capture nature’s beauty and cool angles and architecture.
I did wonder about its quality, but all of my items, including the camera, only came to only about $7. Yard sales, wow, they rock! So, it was great. If the quality was awful, well, I only spent a couple of bucks, so that was okay. Either way, it was more than I had which was nothing.
I got my goods, headed home and then off to the store where I bought some new batteries.
The testing-time had come. How would I find it?
I shot some photos and it was great. The quality was top notch. I couldn’t believe it, really, that it was in such good shape, and that it was so cheap, but, of course, God was at play. He’d already been working on the scene to help me out, so that should have been no surprise that he made me to have a good camera destined to meet my hot little hands. I love how God works. I was so excited that it was good, and inexpensive, and I actually had it manifested. I liked it so much. I love you, God!! God was so good to me during those times with all my monetary needs.
God, as He does, found a way to give me the desire of my heart with that camera that day. That’s so neat, I think.
My time those days focused more on knowing God than anything else. I was in a time of still delighting in Him, I guess, not busying myself with the idol of television. I believe God found a way to get me that camera, as a result, in an affordable way. That was so great!! I love that he provides us with the desires of our hearts, in particular, when we cannot provide them for ourselves, so to speak. There are definite perks to not having a lot of money – you get the benefit of God in ways you’d likely otherwise not know if you could provide all your own stuff.
I headed back to the park almost immediately, taking incredibly lovely photos of the trees’ bark, trunk clusters of different palms, radiant water lilies and birds in predatory stances, and of the shimmering light on the moss that hung from the trees. It was all so beautiful to me! And what fun, too! I loved it. I got to enjoy many days around that park taking photographs. The Lord is so good to me.
A few verses of scripture come to mind: “See ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you,” and “In all your ways acknowledge Me, and I will direct your paths.” Also, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” The first and last statements are pretty much the same for the most part, I guess.
I make reference to these scriptures because I felt they came to life in this circumstance for me, they applied. It’s just a reminder of A. How God gives us the desires of our heart when we seek Him first and that He will direct our paths to acquire what we need or what we want – – I got that camera for maybe $4 dollars, and it was excellent quality, and God made it known to me how to get it!, and B. I was reminded how God really cares about all the little things of our hearts and lives. He gave me just want I wanted, and at a price that I could afford. J
Jesus told us in Matthew 7:11, “If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?” It’s always worth asking, wasn’t it? If it’s His will, we will not be denied it! I love that the camera was His will too. Also, I recall Jesus also says you have not because you ask not, but there’s also the caveat of asking according to the will of God. So, I guess that hot little camera was part of his awesome will. Awesome!!
I’m amazed at how God makes little things happen that are really so big to me. I love that – the small things in life often are so meaningful. It makes God more of a Father because those little things in life that He has come through on have fostered a delicate relationship with me showing me how intricately involved He is in every aspect and step of my life, and that He hears me and cares about all of the little things that matter to me, also! I love it. I find definite joy in that knowledge! Thank you, Lord, God.
I’m so grateful for a father like God. I’m also reminded that by these little, sweet, personal answered prayers, that God shows me that He does, and has, heard me, and that he responds, in this case, with a YES! He’s so awesome.
Malachai 4:6 And the Lord will turn the hearts of the father’s to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers. Had this prayed over me for me and my pop for a harmed relationship we had, and within a week I had grace pour over me randomly, washing out my hurt and pouring in the love and compassion of the Father for my dad. We would have a new relationship from that point forward.
Here are some excerpts from the audio file, below.
I told him in an email. I wrote it with the intention of hopefully coming clean with everything with respect to how I felt about him and that type of treatment, everything hoping he’d acknowledge me, that my feelings matter – I even used my siblings hurt too about some of his behavior toward them with respect to this, which maybe I shouldn’t have – it crossed a line. I just told him all of the hurts. I was done pretending, and my build-up, boiled over.
I was honest. I was a little mean too, I guess. It included my fears and hurts about some ways he’d treated me over the years and how I was not interested in that relationship anymore. I wanted and deserved more and better from him. For us.
We had this relationship much of my life where he would do what he would do and I would just accept it whether I liked it or not because mostly I wanted him to love me, and I did not want to rock the boat so I wouldn’t tell him how certain behaviors affected me. I would just blow it off – accepting it as him.
My hope, that he would treat what I was saying with some kind of respect and honor what little I was asking. I was hoping for a somewhat favorable response. Not. He answered, “I think it best that we no longer communicate with one each other. You’ve crossed a line.”
Anyway, though I felt resolved and good for me for taking myself and my feelings into consideration finally, more than his for once, I still wanted my dad. I’d always wanted my dad. That never goes away. I believe even if we are right or justified with our actions, the case remains that we wish for our parents to love us and to be the mature, guiding family they are intended to be, and to do what is right, always – for everyone, but they don’t always.
I believe that if we are without a good relationship with our parents, it hurts us. We are made to love and to be loved, you’d think especially by those who brought us into this world.
Accepting what he wrote, and taking full responsibility for what I wrote, my reply to him was, in effect, “I am sorry for what I wrote in that it came across meanly, but, I am in no way sorry for the content of what I wrote. What I wrote was all true, and if you cannot handle that, then that is on you, but I will in no way apologize for what I said.”
I felt strong and right for having stuck up for myself. It was the first time in my life with my dad like that. I left it at that. I was glad I didn’t feel diminished. Though I was sadly devastated, I was glad not to have caved, and wrote something back weak and self-denying, like, “Oh forgive me, I am so sorry, I don’t mean it. Please forgive me. Come back.” Essentially begging him not to leave me all the while not acknowledging the truth of who I was and how I have felt hurt by how he had treated me in certain situations. I was tired of the denial and deceit of what not standing up for me represented – a façade, as saying to myself that I don’t matter. I wasn’t willing to tolerate behavior that was deceitful nor was I willing to let myself down anymore essentially accepting that I did not matter. If I don’t matter, then let’s be true with it. I was done with all of that though. I could at least stand tall even know I was a sad on some level too.