How “our memory of another either furthers or hinders him…” – Neville

How to Forgive

Have you ever wondered why you might seem to regress back to a person you once were with certain people, even though you have long since grown out of that being? It is a likely more prominent type of experience you may have had within families, but it can happen in all relationships. I have seen it in my own experiences: in my family, and in other relationships, as well.

Today I listen to an audiobook which I find revelatory and seems to answer the “Why?” of this interesting phenomenon. I have experienced breakthrough in certain relationships because of my forgiveness of them, but certain interactions arise in relationships which continue to persist ever uncomfortably, and I have often thought I can’t seem to get out of a relationship pattern because of the other person – they continue to hold me in a certain state, and I stay, or have stayed, in that state because of their perception of me which I’ve believed in, or it seems so real in that person’s presence I continue to act the part dictated or perceived by them. It’s pretty interesting, really irksome, and has made me very sad and hurt, so here, I believe, is my key out.

I will preface this with saying, additionally, that what I am presenting by Neville still makes it another’s responsibility to free me from my behavior, seemingly, but I am going to take it, reasonably so, to the next level, and claim my own real power in creating the situation which breaks me free from another’s perception of me that we may both be free to see each other clearly, and, simultaneously, as our highest self dictates.

One more thing, I believe sometimes people treat us a certain way because we have set up in our reality, a perception of them that causes us to be treated that way. Had I not judged this person for being cruel, making them cruel until I forgive them and see them otherwise, they would not be really cruel at all, towards me! My freedom arises then from this – my perception of the person being something other than cruel, better than that, who they are projecting, for whatever reason, to a higher state of self – by rejecting the fact and creating the faithful truth.

My reasoning here then, ultimately, gives me freedom to be whom ever I choose whether perceived badly by another or not because it is my perception of another perceiving me badly, right or wrong, in my mind, which needs healing, correction, and freedom. I merely think beyond what I see. Imagine the best form of myself, them, the interaction between the two of us, and it makes itself real, in time, given I perceive fully, what it will feel like to be in that experience.

I love this book – the works of Neville (Goddard) – this mystic from the middle of the last century, whose writings I am so clearly resonating with. I believe them to be true because of how they feel to me – the biblical nature on which they are founded, and the truths which I cannot seem to deny in the reading of them, and feeling of the light they bring. I look forward to practice them more in my life. I have already begun, realizing what they offer.

I am putting an excerpt from Neville Goddard’s book here, The Complete Reader. I have also listened to Ultimate Potential – powerful. May you be led to and oddly more practical application of the truth here:

Holly

Excerpt from a Chapter on Attitudes by Neville Goddard: The Complete Reader

Memory, though faulty, is adequate to the call for sameness if we remember another as we have known him. We recreate him in that image, and the past will be recognized in the present. Imagining creates reality. If there is room for improvement, we should reconstruct him with new content.

Visualize them as we would like him to be, rather than having them bear the burden of our memory of him.

Everything possible to be believed is an image of truth.

The following story is one who believes that imagining creates reality and acting on his belief changed his attitude towards stranger and bore witness to this change in reality. More than 20 years ago when I was a green farm boy newly arrived in Boston to attend school, a pan handler asked me for money for a meal. Although the money I had was pitifully insufficient for my own needs, I gave my was in my pocket. A few hours later, the same man by this time staggeringly drunk, stopped me again asked for money. I was so outraged to think the money I could so ill afford had been put to such a use. I made myself a solemn pledge and I would never again listen to the plea of street beggar. Through the years I kept my pledge, but every time I refused anyone my conscious needled me. I felt guilty even at the point of developing a sharp pain in my shoulder but I couldn’t bring myself to unbend.

The early part of this year man stopped as I was walking my dog and asked for money so he could eat. Due to the old pledge, I refused him. His manner was graciously accepted my refusal. He even admired my dog and spoke of a family New York State he knew that raised Cocker spaniels. This time my conscious was really pricking me. As he went on his way, I determined to remake that scene as I wished it had been. (This “pruning” technique is described fully by Neville else where, but it recreates to past to make it what we’d wished it be, with amazing results!) So I stopped right there on the street closed my eyes for only a few moments and acted the scene differently.

In my imagination, I had the same man approach me, only this time you open the conversation by admiring my dog. After we had talked a moment. I had him say, I don’t like to ask you this but I really need something to eat. I have a job that begins tomorrow morning, but I’ve been out of work, and I’m hungry. I then reached into my imaginary pocket pulled out an imaginary $5 bill and gladly gave it to him. This imaginal act immediately dissolved all the guilty feeling pain.

I know from your teaching that this imaginal act is fact so I knew I could grant anyone what he asked and by faith in the imaginal act consent to the reality of this one having it.

Four months later as I was again walking my dog the same man approached me and open the conversation by admiring my dog. “He’s a beautiful dog,” he said. “Young man, I don’t suppose you remember me, but a while back I asked you for some money you very kindly said, “No.” I say kindly because if you had given it to me, I would still be asking for money. Instead, I got a job the very next morning, now on my feet, and have some self-respect again.

I knew his job was a fact when I imagined it some four months ago, but I won’t deny there was immense satisfaction in having him appear in the flesh to confirm it. FB.”

This ends part of that story. All of Nevill’s teachings are backed by corrobrating stories making that all that much more believealbe.

I am including some other powerful tidbits from this chapter, as well.

“I have no silver and gold, but I give you what I have.” Acts 3:6 None is to be discarded. All must be saved, and our imagination, reshaping memory, is the process whereby the Salvation is brought to pass.

To condemn the man for having lost his way is to punish the already punished.

(I realize I have done this a lot, and as I was “pruning” an event from my childhood yesterday, realized I’d been doing that. It’s illogical to punish someone for something they don’t possess. I’m so grateful for this “pruning” technique offered by him!)

Whom should I pity, if I pity not the sinner who’s gone astray?

Not just what a man was, but what he may become, should be our imaginal activity.

If we imagine no worse of him than he himself, he would pass as excellent. It’s not the man at his best, but the imaginist, exercising the spirit of forgiveness, that performs a miracle.

Imagine, with new content transformed, both the man who asked and the man who gave. Imagine is not yet had to do in the systems either moralist or educators. When it does, there will be the openings of prisons for those who are bound.

Nothing has existence for us, save for the memory we have of it. Therefore, we should remember it not as it was, unless it was of course altogether desirable, but as we desire it to be  in as much as imagining is creative.

Our memory of another either furthers or hinders him, and makes his upward or downward way easier and swifter.

There’s no coal of character so dead that it will not glow in flame if it lightly turned.

End Exerpt

Forgive is Latin for “perdonare,” meaning “to give completely, without reservation.” I am saying then, let us give to others all the good we can think of who they would be in Christ – beauty for ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair (Isaiah 61:3), being all the good that is in them, instead of in what has been brought upon them or that which they’ve chosen to espouse.

We can bring down heaven on earth to our fellow man, and to ourselves, while we forgive!

In the image of God is how we are all made, according to Genesis 1:27. Sometimes, we need to remember for others how they were made until they can remember for themselves, and sometimes it takes us envisioning the highest reality of our Father’s image for them, for them to become it.

Jesus, instructing us in the Lord’s prayer, tells us, “…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others.” It’s almost like we can’t get out of our trespasses until we let others out of theirs. Remember that Jesus let off the woman in adultery because no one could cast the first stone, and because her fellow man did not condemn her, neither did he, but he also said, “Go and sin no more.” My point is, condemnation comes on us by us, or so it seems, and there is no condemnation in those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the spirit. (Romans 8:1) This resonates with more of Neville’s teachings on how what we see is fact, and what we don’t is faith (the spirit world), and that world, in the spirit of God, is THE truth, whereas this is all imaginings that are fleeting. the truth is, in sprit, we are all already perfect. We’ve just forgotten! We are all perfect. So, seeing through and with those eyes, we will help to unite ourselves with ourselves and with others, as well, as we walk by faith and not by sight (II Corinthians 5:7)

Maybe we are hating because we feel hated. Forgive them for hating you or being hateful, and you won’t feel the hate. I say you will likely feel love and compassion for them, instead! 😊

Maybe you are having people be cruel towards you because your thoughts toward them are cruel. Forgive them for being cruel and you won’t have people be cruel to you. Stop criticizing others for choosing to be less than they can be. People act out of their own sense of identity. So, help a brother out, and be your brother’s keeper, and see yourself and others as being, as Philipians 4:8 states, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”

This is how we are all instructed to be, and being this, peace will be sown in our minds, in our world and in ourselves. We all will peacefully live life together in union.

Holly

5 Months: My Healing Process – I Need Specific Goals in Order to Progress.

I have realized this about myself this month – if I don’t have a specific goal, I don’t really progress. In my “absence” of progress, however, I have found how to better progress in my life, and that I am better with goals – whether they be physical, mental, spiritual, professional, or personal – what ever they are – I am more efficient with them, and happier to a degree – they make me feel like I am striving toward something and personally achieving something too which I always like. So, though my blood might not yet be cleaner, and I have murkied up my waters a bit in my aimlessness, I have made progress again, still, mentally which is impacting me on a spiritual and physical level, too, and clearing my path for success.

It’s time to get S.M.A.R.T! Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely. I am reminded that these goals are what I need in order to make better progress in my life with my life for whatever it is I a trying to achieve. I need goals for me to progress with more passion and gusto and to see more results in both my health and other aspects of my life for me to succeed. Furthermore, I need to commit to them and carry them out, the kicker. Otherwise, entropy takes over and I am lost in space, accomplishing nothing. SMART goals coupled with commitment, is my path forward 🙂

One thing I have realized about myself is if I am not able to see change in something, I am not likely to do it. I like being able to quantify things. I like making and seeing progress. I have been trying to figure out why I was not actively pursuing cleansing my blood, as my main pursuit of “healing” my cardiovascular system in an effort to help clear up my skin condition, as I had my other body systems. I’m in my 5th month of working on clearing up my skin, diagnosed with idiopathic guttate hypomelanosis. My thinking: if my body is in perfect homeostasis, and has all the proper nutrition it needs, it will heal itself. I have made a dermatologist’s appointment for next month, as there is little change, but I do think there is some :), in my skin after 5 months. I have, however, heard it can take up to a year to heal this, and it’s taken about 9 years to develop – so, I’m right within my yearly healing plan, maybe.

Back to it – I came to the reason for barely pursuing cleaning my blood to being that I have not thought I would see progress, in addition to the fact that I was going to focus on juicing. I think the latter is what has deterred me the most honestly. I tried juicing only once this month so far, and am easily deterred by it, remembering more why I don’t do it. I’m not a fan of juicing.

Juicing is messy, and I have since found myself bothered at how wasteful it is, as well. I will say, however, the first and only day I have juiced, so far, I made beet juice with apple, spinach and carrots I think it may have been the best drink I’ve ever made and had in my life. It was so delicious! Another issue, however, is that you hardly get anything for what you put in:

Beet, Carrot, Apple and Spinach deliciousness. Not much B for B, but it’s tasty, and super healthy! And, it’s so pretty in color! 🙂

I must have needed it also for it to be so good, too, I surmise. I had this happen to me the first time I ever juiced carrots over 20 years ago, which I never liked cooked, but when juiced, I found were delicious! Maybe my body needed them, that is what I guessed at the time. I couldn’t figure out why else something I’d always hated would be so incredibly delicious to me! In addition to the mess and waste, I had very little juice actually produced, unlike my fruit and veg smoothies which produce a ton and keep me filled up for a long time. I am willing to pursue this more too, now that I will have more time, come Saturday, as my first official day of summer break, so I will pursue it more, then, with cleansing recipes. Yah! So happy for summer break and to be healthily and readily heading into it.

I am going to give this a go for at least three full days focusing on at least everything I should be to cleanse and alkalinize my blood – a 3 day cleanse. That work perfectly, time wise. It will take me out of this month and into the next where I will likely focus on the lymphatic system, continue to cleanse my blood, and get rid of my high cholesterol, hopefully. Tonight I bought my juice components – more beats, cucumber, ginger, lemon, cilantro, parsley and kale. I already have apples and carrots. For the next 3 days, I’m gonna hit it. It’s SMART:

  1. Specific: I will juice for at least 1 meal per day, and eat some food that is good for cleansing my blood at each meal over the next three days, to start. I will also carry out some form of cardiovascular exercise for my heart.
  2. Measurable: I will have 1 juice drink per day and at each meal food that will be cleansing I will walk, run, bike for at least 30 minutes/day.
  3. Attainable: I can do this for three days, ,and have everything I need to do to achieve this goal and monitor my progress.
  4. Realistic: This is achievable. I’ve already bought the food, have a juicer and have free time over the next 3 days. All goals set are realistic.
  5. Timely: 3 days – piece of cake. I can do it.

One thing I have gotten too is a smart watch – my phone however seems smarter, but it does not monitor my heart – one of the main reasons I got this baby. I have a resting heart rate of 62 according to my reading today – I just got this. But, as I just looked at my heart rate, and it’s at 50. A good, normal resting heart rate for adults is 60 – 100 beats per minute (BPM), and the fewer beats, the more efficient. A well-trained athlete is at about 40 bpm – a goal I can shoot for:)

I have realized this about myself this month – if I don’t have a specific goal, I don’t really progress. In my “absence” of progress, however, I have found how to better progress in my life, and that I am better with goals – whether they be physical, mental, spiritual, professional, or personal – what ever they are – I am more efficient with them, and happier to a degree – they make me feel like I am striving toward something and personally achieving something too which I always like. So, though my blood might not yet be cleaner, and I have murkied up my waters a bit in my aimlessness, I have made progress again, still, mentally which is impacting me on a spiritual and physical level, too, and clearing my path for success.

I need to get back on the horse. I have finally gotten back “on” sugar as of last week. Not a good result, either. I’d quit for Lent and didn’t go back until the middle of last week. I have had, since then, a pan of brownies, and a gallon (2 bogo 1/2 gallons) plus a quart of ice cream. Ice cream is my “island food.” It doesn’t seem like much when you are eating it, but it all adds up. I was shocked when I added this up. I have also seen, I think, the results on my thighs. Oddly, I have also gained weight I’ve noticed, but this was before I went back on sugar – odd. I’m guessing all the sitting in quarantine has caught up with me despite my good diet and exercise regime I’ve been on.

I was walking the other day and literally felt, and still do, my waist/torso on my arms as I walk, something that never had happen to me before, but now, I notice, and I’m not much of a fan, but I do have other perks – my “wrinkles” on my face have smoothed out a bit and I look younger – yah! Bigger breasts too, but barely:) I prayed for the former, and got heavier. It works:) Prayer, answered. Thanks, Lord!

At any rate, I will be “cleansing” my blood for three days straight come Saturaday and move on to body system 6 from there, but may pursue more of this blood cleansing and will be back to clean eating, as well. I have begun eating bread too, and a couple nights ago I felt sick to my stomach – I’d had a couple of egg sandwiches through out the day, and pizza at night and some ice cream. I lay in bed, even know it had been hours since I’d eaten, and I felt nauseous. I knew I had to get back to a better diet and I was glad I felt sick b/c I could see how my body responds to poor eating. I do believe I felt sick too as a result of all this poor eating for the past week. I like that my body needs good food, and I like eating that way too. I was glad to realize all this over the past day. Bread’s not all it’s cracked up to be, but it definitely has it’s place.

I was reminded last night that we are often given choices in life and need to make our choice between the extremes. For me anyway. I am all or nothing more often than not, and my all for now will be choosing health. It’s exciting to me too b/c I have 9 weeks of summer ahead of me to focus seriously on where I am physically – wholly – taking more seriously and to the next level my health and my life. And, I am starting for now, on the next three days.

I’m glad to be back on the healthy horse, progressing forward in the direction of improved health, making smart goals and planning for my many successes in my physical well-being which I know spills over into all of the other areas of my life. I’m glad too I get sick when I eat poorly, and that I need healthy food. I’m getting back on it! Yah! Juice cleanse, here I come.

To my health and yours!

Holly

Finding Faith, Finding Joy: Accepting the Responsibility of My Faith Brought Me Joy

 

Here’s an large excerpt from my video story – it’s much of it! It’s long, but it’s worth listening to to hear how God showed up for me one night like never before, amazing! I felt for the first time He is truly impressive with how He had to have orchestrated every single event to occur to bring all to pass the way he did. He planned this for a span of over a year to culminate just after my most earnest prayer, and in 10 or 15 minutes, every major prayer request was met.

This came on the heels of my second lowest point while living in England, and after coming to my faith senses that afternoon in terms of owning my responsibility in my relationship to God and the personal responsibility I have to myself, and to God, for my life and success. The wow moments were too big to comprehend, so I just went with them, rolling with the blessing, and received them all, acting the part,  amazed, but unable to comprehend what truly happened because it was too big to get, but God worked it all out to build my faith, supply every need I had over the next months that followed and provided me with a great new friend who would only help me develop my faith even more, Joy.

It was my turn and my time to act. It was upon me this time. It was well time for me to take an active role in my life, making the decisions that would benefit me – carrying me through to the next level, and not leaving me in this low-down, deep place on many levels. This may seem like a “duh” moment for a lot of people.

Despite the dreariness of the day, I’d discerned some bit of distant light I could see outlining and circling some bits of the Channel in the most elegantly fascinating way, and I was able to finally grasp from some recess of hope and personal responsibility within myself that I had to myself and to God that, “He’s not done with me yet.” This was in echo from a verse that I suspect the Holy Spirit brought to my mind that I’d often hear in church from a pastor at my church there, Josh, who used to often say, “God is the same today, yesterday and forever.” The verse never quite made sense to me when I heard it, like what’s so special about that verse that you always repeat it, I wondered? For me, it was the difference between darkness and light, and that day, I got the light.

God, I feel, orchestrates everything in my life to my benefit it seems sometimes. I know that sounds a bit egocentric, but I feel like it’s just true. I see it happen all the time it seems. I am incredibly fortunate that is for certain. I bet if we all looked around, earnestly, we’d be seeing blessings everywhere bounding in our favor too. I hope so.

Deciding to believe was exciting to me. Acting on that belief was another whole story. Head and heart had to align. Spirit had to help. This was a real different scenario. Belief: It seemed burdensome to me. In itself it implies responsibility. Ugh. What more? What was it with me and responsibility? It required that I do my part for once, and not only to walk forward and do what I could do to achieve whatever I needed to, but to believe in all the words of God that I’d ever known that would lift me out of the muck and mire that was my life at the time. I had to believe in what I’d heard. I was not excluded in the benefits and love of God for any reason. “God wishes for all of us to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth in Him,” 1 Timothy 2:4 tells us. His word was the truth, liberty from faulty thinking.

Coming to know God, truly, and letting Him in is what has changed my life finally, and continues to change my life to this day.

Since that day in the park when I decided to truly apply the word of God to my life, I have been being transformed mind, body and spirit when applying it. It can’t help but to work. It empowers me to this day. Hebrews 4:12 tells us, “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” I believe it. It makes sense to me because it’s what I’ve lived, it speaks the truth to me reading it, dividing and discerning what needs division and discernment.

That night, I viewed with my own eyes the orchestration of miraculous events that God made happen. I was literally led along this path that took me into the answer of all of my prayers, but more importantly, and ever so wonderfully, God led me to know that He had heard me, that he was with me, being my helper, my guide, and my Father, a good Father, who showed me that I could trust Him and that He would take care of me. He sure cares. Amen.

I delved into a depth of intimacy that night with God having a messianic encounter with Him unlike any other experience I had ever previously had. I had been delivered from doubt into this awesome divine faith which brought forth from me this earnestness I had never before experienced to such degree. It was incredible. It was tangible in me. I could literally feel my prayer inside of me building up – a literal surge from within me, the internal depths of who I was, God coming up in me to reach me, having connected with me maybe in that very instant. I didn’t know that earnestness existed within me, but I liked it, a lot. It was connected.

I have learned that God wants to show Himself real to me, to all of us, but I, we, must Trust Him. That is one of the things I wanted and needed from Him was for Him to show Himself real to me, as a Father, and he has, time and again, amazingly, and he has continued, too.

God is for everyone! “I wish that none will suffer, and all will come to me. “Everyone who has ears to hear, let him hear.” God is a life changer, and He is real. This is my hope for everyone: is that they come to that relationship with Him where they know him truly, personally, lovingly. It’s impressive how He works to get to know us, to tell you He’s there and listening to you and hopeful for you, in you, to hear Him and see Him and know Him. “He longs to give us every good gift,” Josh used to tell us often, and God also longs to love and be loved by us all, I say. That is His gift, and it’s free.

I had decided God was for me, and there was hope in my heart in that and for me, but that night at church, I was there only in body for the most part. I remember little of what Pastor Robert said that night because I was running my options through my mind continuously, frantically. The reason I went to the park that afternoon had to do with me feeling uncomfortable where I was living and wanting to leave.

So, when I was in church that night, I was trying to figure how I would get out. Would I go home, back to D.C.? There were only two months left before I’d be leaving anyway, and Aunt Judy wouldn’t mind if I came early, I thought. I was going to move to Florida to live with my Aunt Judy after I’d spent Christmas back in Washington with everyone. I could just go back to D.C. or go there, Florida. I needed to get out of where I was though, I thought. That wrongful living space was not going to work at all. Where was I going to find a place though to live for just two months and have to have all the upfront money, etc? It wasn’t worth it, nor was there a likelihood of this even happening. I’m just going to do it, I thought. I’m going leave. This is too much pressure.

Then, it hit me – the fact that I remembered I was supposed to be there until the end of the term. Not only had I given my word I’d be there at least until then, but God had confirmed for me, for weeks on end, that I was, indeed, supposed to be there, and stay there, until the end of the term, and after that I would be moving to Florida. That was all very clear. Very well, then. I would stay, but what was I to do about the living space, the arrangement in which I currently found myself? What would I do? Where would I go? How would it work?

All of this was running through my mind throughout the sermon of which I don’t think I caught ten minutes of that night. Then, at the end of the sermon, there was a prayer and then a suggestion given up by Pastor Robert. I just remember feeling so incredibly humbled and surrendered. I thought how much I wanted to be a part of Pastor Robert’s family – just the love and salvation part, being connected to God, truly. They were all so good and connected to God. I looked over to my right where I saw Pastor Robert’s youngest son and his wife, and thought of Pastors Robert and Virginia and how lovely and surrendered they are, and, though I had been smitten with their older son, Josh, I did not necessarily want to be a part of their family as his wife, but as their equal – as God’s daughter – in that love relationship – in the love of God always – in His family. I wanted that connection.

I humbled myself in prayer. It was as if by no intentional purpose, it just happened upon me. I realized it, feeling so closely connected to God in that moment as I have never been before. It was awesome. The humility had impressed itself upon me, Him, his truth and warmth – I was so deliberately earnest in my prayer and I loved it. It was a first seemingly, at least in feeling alone. I was praying for that somehow too – the truth –to be connected to the love of God – to know for sure that I was being guided and that God would take care of me and provide for me all the things that I needed. To really let go and let God, and to be surrendered to Him in His truth that He would provide every good gift for me.

In my prayer, I felt God was the truth – that that God would somehow provide for me because I did know the truth, and that was that He wanted me there, and that was Him and not me that made that decision well clear. I was trying to escape. However, I do not ever recall thinking maybe He wanted me in that situation still where I’d currently resided. All’s that I knew was that I was very uncomfortable and wanted to be out of there tout suite, so that is for what I prayed. I knew I was supposed to be in England, but I wanted out of where I was. So, that is for what I prayed.

I turned it all over to Him. I told Him that I knew He wanted me to stay there, in England until December, and that I believed that, and, then, in some sort of knowingness, in that, I was able to trust Him. I gave it to Him due to the fact that I earnestly felt like He was in control. I was finally believing and trusting Him. He was running the show, so He needed to help me, and He would. I asked and sincerely hoped in Him that He would do it, and take care of it in His power and time and ability, to have me in a new place – the perfect place, a place for two months that would be good for me, that would be with a Christian housemate, that would have furniture and no down payment, and have the option for only a two month lease, and…it would be affordable, and…for it to be ready by the end of next week. It was a lot to ask, but my part too was being faithful and trusting, and I think that truly began that night.

“You have not because you ask not,” Jesus told us, along with: “Ask anything according to my will, and it will be done unto you.” God loves our faith too. Hebrews 11:6 tells us, “And without faith, it is impossible to please God.”

I finished praying and felt pretty good. Trustful. After the sermon, Pastor Robert, as he sometimes did, requested from us that we go around and introduce ourselves, or to say, “Hi” to ten new individuals, and I attempted to do so. I didn’t quite make it to ten, or maybe I did, but I did work my way from the back of the church up to the front of the church saying hello and introducing myself to as many as were apparent. Then, as I approached the front and thought to get a prayer with Pastor Robert, he walked away from me, seemingly deliberately so like he was told, “Don’t talk to her!” I kept moving right along. I finally just took a seat upfront, waiting, even trying to discuss with those next to me, but they weren’t having it either. So, I just sat there feeling a little dumb as I was striking-out with people conversation wise, left and right.

I just sat there waiting for another housemate figuring he’d be awhile. Then, I looked to my right and saw a pretty woman, about my age, whom I’d not previously seen. “I’ll talk to her,” I thought. “Introduce myself, and, say, hi”. So, I did.

Upon my going over to her and making my introduction, she identified me as being who I am – that is, she indicated that she recognized me from the internet, that I’m a teacher, etc. I was perplexed for a moment still not knowing how she would know these things about me because I wasn’t online like that, and then I recalled as she finally mentioned the housemate situation – she remembered me from the site photo I’d posted online along with my profile for the accommodation request I had filled out over a year prior to that, when I was still in the U.S. looking for an accommodation over there. Wow. Okay. That was amazing.

How bizarre. I’d never seen a photo of her though, because I guess she hadn’t posted it, but she was the one who’d contacted me originally. We’d chatted on the phone then, and she sounded great, but the place where she and her housemate, Karine, lived was too far for me to get to work on time, and the bus route would not have gotten me to work when I needed to be. So, because I didn’t have enough money for a vehicle and no bus accommodation working for my advantage, I had to say “no” as being the answer at the time.

I think now of the orchestration of events of our lives. God is so lovingly amazing with his worth and working things out to our good and benefit. His timing is also perfect. It’s amazing. I know I keep using that word. His transitions are miraculous, really, how He knows all this. These aren’t chance meetings. There are no coincidences. God is in orchestration mode all the time working it out in and for us. For His will to be accomplished in us! For Him to know us and make us known to Him, for Him loving us and us loving Him.

When Joy informed me of what she had, I found it quite amazing, all of it, putting it all together. I barely took any time to express deliberately the amazing connection that was occurring, the divine connection that God was creating, had created, had been creating, all this time, His will, coming together, bringing us together, His two daughters (once again over a year later) who’d prayed for Him to help them in her own need in her own way and He quickly made it happen. His expediency is impressive too! Actually, impressive is a word often used by me to describe God. God is incredibly impressive to me!!

From there, in my desperation, and the poor interpersonal skills I had, I quickly made mention of my need, again, for the same thing. I pounced on the opportunity to share with her again my need for a housemate. She, interestingly, also informed me of the same thing! I loved it. She said that she had just been praying that afternoon for a Christian housemate – and here I was. Wow. She expressed that she’d gotten “Holy Spirit tingles” about it all as we were talking, and to her that was the recognition that it was okay that we’d be housemates. How fantastic was that!?? Wow!

She was more mature than I was in terms of Godliness and knowingness and recognizing appropriately what was going on instead of going through all the motions as I always had, and felt I was. I was just desperate feeling, and on top it of it all, not allowing it in. It was inconceivable in some ways what’d transpired, really, too much to make understood. Not knowing how, I just bumbled through it all. I was like a new-comer to all of this. Oh, the God of the universe just so clearly answered our prayers and needs, and also reunited us over a year later to bring us together once again and to make us housemates, after all, and He’s had this planned out for over a year? Oh, okay…J Wow. God is so amazing.

God uses everything, doesn’t He? We had to have had that first meeting in order to have had this second chance to occur in order for us to have had our needs to be met over a year later, when it was more appropriate and timely for us both. Wow. I couldn’t have seen that one coming. I had no intention of working on a room mate as I “helloed” everyone I passed by. God was ushering me along to get me where he wanted me – to talk to Joy – I love it! Also, he was using Pastor Robert as a conduit to get me, us, together, again. It was great!! What a God. What a Father. God is such a good dad, helping, coming to our rescues, yet again, knowing, and allowing for all of this to come to pass, resting us in Him, for us to see that He is trustworthy. Amen.

Trying to act wowed, when it was really too much to take in and comprehend is where I was when interacting with Joy. I didn’t know how to respond other than to say wow and act surprised and wowed, but it was a wow. It was amazing. I wasn’t realizing the will of God in any of it at the time. I was dumbfounded!. I would have been profoundly overwhelmed and expressive in gratitude and solemnness if I really thought about what was happening between us. Totally cool and awesome it was, but how do you comprehend that, truly? Overwhelmed would be a more fully appropriate feeling to consume all of what was about to happen. Awe-inspired. All that God does is amazing. How resplendent really.

In any event, we were to be housemates, and I could move in in a couple of weeks I found out after I called her a day or two later. And, it turned out to be okay to stay in my other place longer because my housemate about whom I was concerned would be going on vacation and would be gone the whole time. Excellent. So, I was relieved by that. Also, I would be able to afford it. I did not need to put a down payment. I would be able to stay for only two months. It was going to be in a supportive environment, and it was fully furnished. What else? That was it! Perfect, God, just perfect. Check, check, check. You are so great. Thank you, Lord.

“God provides above and beyond what we could ever hope for or imagine.” He did. He had provided a place for me before I even left church that night, with every need met, and He gave me Joy who is great too. He is incredible like that.

You know what’s interesting too? Having seen all of the moves and the upheavals that I’d endured while I was there, I no longer wondered why. It was seemingly clear. Though I chose to move to or from a couple of different places for conveniences sake, I had experienced difficulties in others that led me moving from place to place. From a county ordinance, to a financial distress, to a stinky room, to an offensive gesture, I moved right along so that I could get finally get to be with Joy – where God had ultimately intended me to be. He sets everything up that is brilliant. I was finally able to reconcile why all the moves. Why things were “not working out,” they were working out. They just didn’t look that way. We know that looks can be sometimes be deceiving, so despite what the circumstances are, as long as we are walking with God, we should keep trusting Him for the best, because He’s working it out.

In all things, give thanks, I’m reminded of from I Thess 5:8. Things were working out, I just couldn’t see how when I was going through them. That’s where the trust bit comes in and the obedience to giving thanks in all things because God is orchestrating behind the scenes for our own good.

I learned a lot about God through this circumstance. I learned that he hears me. He responds and cares about me. The most important thing to me, and the sacred one, He is my holy father. I learned that I am important. I learned that God orchestrates things. That we ask and we receive, that we seek and we find, that we knock and the doors open wide when we ask according to His will. I learned that he directs our paths and meets our needs. He sets up meetings. He uses others to help us along. He orchestrates. I learned that he uses things that we may deem as bad or wrong to move us to another direction where He wants us to be because otherwise we might not go to where we need to go and we might stay where we need not be. I realized that He gives us Godly connections: friends that love us and help us along the way. I realized that I am His family, his loving daughter, the most important thing. I am his holy daughter whom he loves very much. And, I realize that He does it, He does it through His son, Jesus Christ, through the movement of the Holy Spirit in and upon us, and through us, along with the help of others he calls angels and I’ve called friends, as well as all the heavenly angels He has set up for us in heavenly places to cause us not to fall or stumble, and if we do, they assist us in getting up.

He loves us very much, and He wishes to show up for us and in us, but we have to invite Him first because as our father, a holy father, He is also a gentleman, and we need to ask Him in, to Help us. This then gives us a chance too to see His work, which I love witnessing, and to acknowledge Him and to thank Him as we build a real relationship with Him, the heavenly Father, and to get to know Him and Jesus and the Holy Spirit through all of our circumstances.

I have learned the lows are where real sincerity begins, for me. Through the trials we become close, centered, realize what we need and want, and are serious about going about it, about figuring it out. I have realized that this low in that time was for a purpose – to center me – to build me – to build a foundation for me, and that was on God. On Him I stand. He got me to trust and led me to believe, a God gift in deed. God was building me up by bringing me down. That day was foundational for me. The falling down, the picking myself up, trusting myself and God, then giving my pieces to God and trusting in Him. Then, He sorted everything out, marvelously. 🙂

More on the video and/or audio series.

Enjoy. Holly

src=”https://transparency247.files.wordpress.com/2019/05/joy-2.mp3″%5D%5B/audio%5D

If you want to watch on video, other Youtube options. Hope you can get past the looks on my face:)

Holly

When Speaking Your Truth Causes You to Lose Your Dad, but God Trumps Your Reality

My Story Based on Malachi 4:6, and how God’s word did not return to Him Void, like it says in Isaiah 55:11: So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it. . .
That would be Malachi 4:6 for me and dad:)
Awesome 🙂

My devastating reality of speaking the truth came into being. When I spoke my truth to my dad my biggest fear was realized, that he would no longer have a relationship with me, and that was the case – “I think it better we no longer speak,” was all I got to in response to an email I sent him, after the bit about me having “Crossed a line.”

Well, that got me requesting prayer at church one afternoon soon where someone prayed over me and for my dad Malachi 4:6.

“He will turn the heart of the father to the children, and the heart of the children to the father.”

What followed was indeed miraculous, and grace showered upon me like it was being poured out from heaven upon my head – days later – out of no where. Bizarre, and beautiful.

Love and compassion flooded in me washing my “bad” thoughts about my dad away, and leaving nothing but good. God worked his miracle working power in this circumstance of my heart, and, I found out later, my dad’s.

God is such a marvelous Father – loving us so much. Even know I was the one with the bitterness in me toward my dad for his lack of x,y,z that he failed to do, I wasn’t the one who was consoled. God gave me His grace to love my dad! I LOVE THAT! Heart emoji.

Listen and learn of the grace of God, healing me and my dad forever more. He’s so good!

Podcast: Malachi Daughter and Dad

Malachai 4:6 And the Lord will turn the hearts of the father’s to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers. Had this prayed over me for me and my pop for a harmed relationship we had, and within a week I had grace pour over me randomly, washing out my hurt and pouring in the love and compassion of the Father for my dad. We would have a new relationship from that point forward.

Here are some excerpts from the audio file, below.

I told him in an email. I wrote it with the intention of hopefully coming clean with everything with respect to how I felt about him and that type of treatment, everything hoping he’d acknowledge me, that my feelings matter – I even used my siblings hurt too about some of his behavior toward them with respect to this, which maybe I shouldn’t have – it crossed a line. I just told him all of the hurts. I was done pretending, and my build-up, boiled over.

I was honest. I was a little mean too, I guess. It included my fears and hurts about some ways he’d treated me over the years and how I was not interested in that relationship anymore. I wanted and deserved more and better from him. For us.

We had this relationship much of my life where he would do what he would do and I would just accept it whether I liked it or not because mostly I wanted him to love me, and I did not want to rock the boat so I wouldn’t tell him how certain behaviors affected me. I would just blow it off – accepting it as him.

My hope, that he would treat what I was saying with some kind of respect and honor what little I was asking. I was hoping for a somewhat favorable response. Not. He answered, “I think it best that we no longer communicate with one each other. You’ve crossed a line.”

Anyway, though I felt resolved and good for me for taking myself and my feelings into consideration finally, more than his for once, I still wanted my dad. I’d always wanted my dad. That never goes away. I believe even if we are right or justified with our actions, the case remains that we wish for our parents to love us and to be the mature, guiding family they are intended to be, and to do what is right, always – for everyone, but they don’t always.

I believe that if we are without a good relationship with our parents, it hurts us. We are made to love and to be loved, you’d think especially by those who brought us into this world.

Accepting what he wrote, and taking full responsibility for what I wrote, my reply to him was, in effect, “I am sorry for what I wrote in that it came across meanly, but, I am in no way sorry for the content of what I wrote. What I wrote was all true, and if you cannot handle that, then that is on you, but I will in no way apologize for what I said.”

I felt strong and right for having stuck up for myself. It was the first time in my life with my dad like that. I left it at that. I was glad I didn’t feel diminished. Though I was sadly devastated, I was glad not to have caved, and wrote something back weak and self-denying, like, “Oh forgive me, I am so sorry, I don’t mean it. Please forgive me. Come back.” Essentially begging him not to leave me all the while not acknowledging the truth of who I was and how I have felt hurt by how he had treated me in certain situations. I was tired of the denial and deceit of what not standing up for me represented – a façade, as saying to myself that I don’t matter. I wasn’t willing to tolerate behavior that was deceitful nor was I willing to let myself down anymore essentially accepting that I did not matter. If I don’t matter, then let’s be true with it. I was done with all of that though. I could at least stand tall even know I was a sad on some level too.

Podcast: My Healing Journey

The recovery process has had its literal and figurative ups and downs. I heeded the verse that instructed me to strengthen my feeble knees, and the result of me getting up off my bum, of the keeping of persevering despite every physical set-back I had, of the continually holding fast to the truth of what I know scripturally, and by continuing to speak healing over my knees as they ached while running or otherwise, I have been made well.

Following is a 27 minute audio podcast. I have put a couple of excerpts below, but take the journey with me. This is a fun audio podcast of my experience being injured while running, and how healing took place through other mechanisms of exercise. This is rife with scripture, major lessons learned, fun and joy in my process of recovery God took me through.

What God did was to help me out anyway. As I was readying myself to read the bible one night, I opened to this passage “accidentally” which listed my instruction for my knee. It is found in Hebrews 12:12-13 “Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down and the feeble knees and make straight the paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.” Amen to that.

God’s way may prove hard, but He will always give us the grace to accomplish whatever we need to do, as well. God may be working other things, too, necessary for our growth about which we have no knowledge. I like to say, as I have experienced, when teaching, God has used this profession to work things in me and to work things out of me. But, He is always working to perfect us, to help us. That is what we are called to be, “Perfect, as He is perfect.” But the good thing is that he helps us accomplish this through His son, Jesus Christ, through accepting Him, then God sends His Holy Spirit to aid us in all we need to do.

God always tries to help us, to divert us from disaster, but we have to choose down which path we are going to follow. He even tells us, choose the path of life. God could have touched my knee and made it perfect, but he chose to take me through the long route for which I am grateful. Otherwise, I would have missed out on so much. I would have missed out on the growth process of healing. I love that. I love God showing up for me. That’s the neatest. That is truly awesome. Growing is part of this journey, if we so choose, life. The journey can be fun too. The journey is great. The progress is cool to witness too. I like that. The ups and down are all a part of it. The destination, then, is the celebration. Then, there’s another journey.

The four plus years I have endured of this leg pain has found me at the end of these four plus months in a pleasant place. I am healing. It is working. I’m strengthening. I am keeping working out with weights, running and biking. I continue to heal. I can now successfully run on the beach too which I like a lot – watch out Jason Bourne. I like the treadmill too. My healing has enabled me to do what most take to naturally and without any thought or pain: bending, walking, stretching or sitting. One of the greatest achievements is that I can actually cross my legs now without any pain. That was amazing when it happened the first time. I didn’t even realize it until it happened. I just naturally tried to cross my legs without thinking about it, and then voila, there I am all cross-legged excited for my recovery. That was so huge when I realized that. That continues to this day. Kneeling was a similar feeling of achievement. I love progress.

I can walk down stairs with only minor pain, I can put on my pants, shorts, etc. without the need to kick out my leg, and I can run on concrete, but that causes the most pain maintaining its first place position for the #1 worst exercise for me. I can, however, also run over the bridge, a favorite exercise of mine, without being out of commission for three weeks which is incredible! I am healing, continually. I’m learning to control my desires to run more even when I want too to slowly build and not to destroy the progress I have made. Moderation and not overdoing it is how I am progressing well.

I will say I love the transformation of my body. I’ve never had to worry about weight in my life, but having hit 40 and beyond, gravity was winning the skin’s losing reality. However, I have found that what’s headed south is seeing its way back up north again which makes me very happy. Another triumphant moment in my life transformed.

The recovery process has had its literal and figurative ups and downs and it’s been a good ride. It’s been a good run as they say. I doubt, however, if I did not have this condition that I would have ever been diligent enough or persevering enough to have stuck with it. I like that it’s shaping me up. It’s helped me to disciple myself too which is so crucial in life for success and I have needed that desperately – peace has come as a result too which was promised in the scripture – less pain, less worry about the pain, less fatigue because of the pain, and therefore less overall stress is what I’ve gained with all of this. Follow-through on the short term makes the long-term a whole lot better. I feel better, I look better, I am better.

I am grateful for lent, a period of 40 days in the Catholic Church of fasting, prayer and almsgiving.  I’m grateful because part of what I did for that was to commit to working out at least 3x/week (I fasted slothfulness/lack of discipline), every other day with the exception of Sunday. I don’t know if I would have stuck with this if it weren’t for that. Diligence is a man’s precious possession.